Thoughts

When I am away from the computer, I come up with these stories, these ideas. Driving down the road I think of things I want to write and put into a story, a blog entry, an article. Then I get to my laptop and I am overwhelmed by the things which linger to get done. The disarray of my things stuffed into a single bedroom and I shut down. That idea I had two hours ago is gone.

Something I think about often is, where is this life leading? Three years ago life came crashing down, I was deeply depressed, two years ago I was living out on the streets, a year ago I was in the house I am in now renting a room. Currently, after trying to slowly get my truck fixed, pay bills as close to on time as possible, I am debating the idea of buying a house. My information is with a lender and I was suppose to get a call today to find out what they had to tell me. I have six months before I need to be out of where I live now.  I am trying to figure out how I am going to buy a plane ticket to go home for Christmas, Christmas presents, rent, bills, start saving for a mission trip, new tires, an alignment, and rear repair to my truck, all within the next six months.
It is overwhelming. I don't even know what to think. Right now, I am tired, exhausted, I can barely keep my eyes open but after this particular day of feeling stressed, trying to get a work tablet to function, managing staff, going through belongings to try and get organized, I am done for the day. So much lies and waits ahead. There is so much I want to try and do. How it will all work out, I don't know, however, I feel I need to find the strength to somehow push through this exhaustion to go after the life I really want for myself.
I am incredibly grateful things are getting better, life is getting back on track. But, there is still a long ways to go to get to where I want to be.


#dreams #goals