I am way off track from where I want to be. It is absolutely irritating. It doesn't help that while I may like the independence my job offers, I don't like it. I don't like driving all over Middle-TN to get to offices to figure out how to run their 'lab' which is really in a loose term, and not make any damn mistakes, to be off to a different place the next day. I have my routine interrupted every day. I don't get to the gym as I want which is disappointing. I don't want to be overweight, I want to be fit and thin and in shape. Each day that passes is just another day waiting which will be extra hard work to burn off the calories.
For the past week I have been sick, so sick that for the past three days I have had a hard time getting out of bed. That is not like me, at all. It doesn't help that I have this throbbing headache that won't go away and there is someone downstairs in the house I live in with a freaking trombone blasting away. Until he finished I sat in my room with my ears plugged because it hurt so much.
Everything I use or need in any kind of daily or routine basis is piled up in a bedroom, a small, small bedroom. I am grateful to be indoors, to have a bed to sleep in a bathroom to use. However, as I progressively get more and more on my feet I want my own space. Unfortunately, even with a recent raise, I don't have the financial ability to afford to live in Nashville, TN. This town is absolutely outrageous with its rent. I don't know where I will be in a year from now, but I won't reside within Davidson County anymore. I wish I could find something out towards this area west of town, Ashland City, but even rent out there is high and houses that come up for rent go really quickly because it is such a beautiful area to live and very close to town.
I have not been able to work on my writing this past week, and I have wondered how dedicated writers push through sickness and keep on typing. I couldn't lift my head off the pillow for more than a few minutes on different occasions. Not writing makes me feel frustrated, because I am not where I want to be and I am not getting any closer if I am not writing or trying to pursue it.
Today is Labor Day, and while I would rather be with someone special grilling out, relaxing with him, I haven't heard from him in weeks and I am too sick to do anything except take a three hour nap. It is officially September and fall is upon us and where am I in the pursuit of my goals? Not far enough *sigh* what I want absolutely has to be possible. A fit body, a writing career, a house of my own, traveling and feeling fulfilled and happy. Maybe not every single day, but some how... it has to be possible.
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