LIFE!

AHHHH!!!! LIFE!

Yes, I am yelling, I'm not a fan of yelling. I've done yelling, still not a fan.
Anyway, to the point of this post, I am in the search for a new job. That is probably mistake number one to even post that, who knows from work is cyber stalking me. But, I have a Bachelors degree. I have YEARS of marketing, event coordinating/management experience, years of photography experience and I know I can figure things out and be much more successful than I have been.
After endless years of trying to figure out my way, I have been informed I need to stop settling and value myself. I have been trying to understand why I have not been able to get ahead, why I struggle financially.
It is simple. I have settled for jobs which are beneath me. I have worked those jobs, and put 110%  into those positions. But, I didn't go to college and bust my ass in my studies to settle for a secretary position, or to be a collection technician. I went to school to better my life. I want to own a house, I want to build a house, I want to be financially situated so I can help others and not worry about bills or expenses anymore.  I spend a lot of money on my student loan. I spent a lot of money while I was attending college to pay for that education, and I feel it is not being utilized in a manner in which it is productive.
I want to feel good about my work. I currently loathe myself when my alarm goes off in the morning. I put off going to bed because I don't want to get up the next day to deal with whatever I may face at work the next day.
I'm exhausted.
I'm not happy.
I'm unhealthy.

So, what is the secret to finding a job? Because in this world we live in - it is ALL IN WHO YOU KNOW! It is how I got my job at the arena in Memphis. It is how I got my job at HCA. It is how I got my job at the violin store. It is how I got my job at the crazy doctor's office. It is how I got my current job and my current promotion.

However, currently, this is not the field I want to be in professionally. I'm not being utilized in any manner which is satisfying, and while I don't need to LOVE my job, I need to like it. At least I hope I am allowed to like it. I'm becoming bitter, angry and crying after I get settled at the house. There is no security in this current position and my growth opportunity with this company would be to go into data entry or client services (a phone job). No. End of story. No. I have done more than my share of those types of jobs in my life and I do not need to go down that direction. As one person said to me after I told them about my potential pathway with this company, "are they trying to get you to quit?"
Exactly.
So, I am on a search for a new job, well... I have been I am just now being open about it. In this search I am discovering it is hard. I know when I left college it took TWO years before I found my official job after college. I loved it, I worked hard at it and I was good at it. I was sought after my arena's all over the country, unfortunately all of them took me further away from my family.
So, my search is to stay in Tennessee, ideally, but I am also keeping tabs on things in Wisconsin. All the while I work on my writing to my best ability which is not much considering how exhausted I am all the damn time.
As I was not expecting the first 'exciting' job I came across to become THEE job, I was disappointed when I found out APSU was interviewing for the Atheletics Communication Manager position and I had not been chosen for a candidate. Then a friend helped me find someone on the Search Committee and another friend looked that person up on their website. As I browsed the staff in that department it became obvious they already hired someone. That individual who was on the Search Committee had once been at Texas A&M. The person they hired...was at Texas A&M.
It is ALL in who you know.
I never had a chance.
Granted, I realize after reviewing the staff, I would not have fit in-it is a good ol' boys club.
However, I have applied for a Recreational Program Coordinator position, in which I know I could be quite awesome at - if given the chance. So, now the question is, how do I get their attention when I do not have a direct link to this prospective employer?
How do I get the attention of ANYONE when I do not have connections?
I don't have a lot of connections to the professors at my university - those who I did have retired. Plus, no one in Tennessee has even heard of UW-River Falls. So, now what?

Welcome to this part of my journey - I am going to be writing on this process of finding a job, finding balance with an over bearing, bs, demanding job, and returning to finding focus on my goals of fitness and pursuing writing.
It is a lot. Looking and applying for jobs in INSANELY time consuming. Holy hell, it is awful! Putting effort into a job search when I want to be writing is disheartening. Getting up early enough to make it to the gym so I can lose the 20lbs I have recently gained and get back on track to where I was is frustrating.
Yet, hello life, it is smacking straight up in the face, and I have to figure it out some how. Maybe, something really good will come from it? Maybe I will find a more rewarding job that will allow me to be proud of my work. I don't know, but hopefully it will fall into place soon because I am tired of struggling, I am tired of being behind, I am tired of dealing with all of this alone, and I am fed up with all of it. I have struggled long enough. The past three years have been absolutely awful. Yes, praise God things have slowly progressed and have gotten better. But, they need to continue to get better and better and substantially better than they have ever been before.
I am grateful my ex-boyfriend is out of my life. He was a jerk, and I deserve to be treated better by someone who actually wants me around. It has also allowed me to seek a more fulfilling life that will be rewarding and allow me to truly develop into someone very successful.
The struggle IS real - but that is life. I'm just trying to find my way.