As Days Pass By

I live a lonely life. I'm not necessarily lonely, but sometimes it is not always easy doing everything by myself.  Once I was finished with work, ran errands, picked up some wine at the grocery store (which is now allowed in Tennessee) I ordered take out.
There is something empowering about being able to afford to buy dinner like this for myself. Yet, as I was leaving the restaurant and walking to my vehicle carrying my take out, I felt very alone. I had picked up dinner for one, me and only me.
It seems as I reflect on my life, so much of it has been alone. As I see friends and family on Facebook who have a spouse to share their life with I get very sad inside.  Yes, yes, sure, sure, when that person is meant to come into my life he will.  Whatever!!  Do you have any idea how much it hurts to wake up alone, make meals alone, go do things alone or as a damn third wheel, go to bed alone and wake up alone and start over. It is frustrating, it hurts, and it absolutely 100% SUCKS. While, yes, I would rather be alone than with the wrong person. However, I wonder how much more of my life is going to continue to be lived alone. Why do I have to continue to live my life alone? I am beyond over doing everything alone, which is why I got a dog - so I could have companionship. Bristol is a great fit for me as she is sweet, patient and wants companionship.
While I am happy, somewhat content, I want to have someone in my life, I want to be engaged, knowing I have that person in my life I will spend the rest of my life with...yet each day passes by alone.  Tonight while I eat dinner by myself watching Netflix made me a little sad. Yes, I would much rather have my life in a different phase by now, but that has not here yet.
So much is up in the air right now. There are many thoughts which go through my head each day about where I am going to live, should I try to rent or buy a place, where will I be professionally, will I finally have the energy to pursue my writing like I want?
Sometimes I feel sad, lost, confused, and just wish the answers were more clear and life was not so hard all the time. I keep hoping for the answers and the past three years have brought me slow progress. I feel it can only continue to get better, it would be nice if it would get better faster.
Time will tell, I do realize that but I am exhausted and just wish something incredibly uplifting and positive and life enhancing would happen a little quicker.
Feeling frustrated tonight.